The death of my child
Smoulders in my heart,
As I walk through the fire
That keeps me apart.
The flames swirl about me,
To purify and melt
Charred hopes and dreams
And future joys not felt.
Walking through and facing,
In spite of all the pain -
The vastness of ALL THAT IS
Keeps calling out my name.
The moment of no preconceived results
Leaves little to maintain imbalance...
In balancing of the heart and mind,
Healing and harmony naturally occur.
Heart / Mind...
Masculine / Feminine...
Birth / Death...
ONE.
As new healing occurs
I begin to see life anew...
Merging into a greater sensitivity
To all Life.
In the midst of anguish,
And primal fear of loss
I know new possibilities.
Letting go of old ideas
Of separate bodies
And separate minds
Brings new understanding.
In grief there is no hiding.
I must face and make room for all;
Room for sadness;
Room for joy
Powerful!
Whispers of breath grow -
Barrelling through my belly;
Breaking the dam...
Shattering the walls...
Pulverizing my protection.
Torrents of white-hot rage
From Forgotten waters gush forth,
Blasting down barriers...
Slamming secrets open...
Scalding...soothing
Furnace fires.
Who is it who says
"We always have a choice".
Who among you
Has walked in my shoes?
I could only know when I could know,
Heal when I could heal,
And choose when I could choose.
On the edge of the abyss
Appears a bridge of surrender
To span the deep chasm.
A bridge of Life to carry me,
Feeling, knowing and expressing
The Truth.
I nurture and befriend myself,
And let people in
To splash color on my world.
Layer upon layer,
Through karmic knots
And programmings,
The tendrils loosen -
Relaxing the bindings and blocks...
New horizons appear.
As I let go of grasping
And loosen my hold,
I merge with new realms
In the Universal Flow.
I'm bathed in the energies
Of compassion and love,
Vibrant and luminous -
Below and above.
The grief had torn my heart open
With pain almost beyond bearing.
It came to plumb
The depths of my very Being -
Not only was there the loss of my son,
But the vast reservoir of loss itself.
I would not choose this again;
Yet confrontation with death
Proved to be my initiation
Into a new dimension
Of freedom and Life.
What a teacher you are, Death.
What a gift you gave me, Steven.
